Gloria Golf Resort, Turkey, Belek: a hotel that leaves you with a deeper tan, a fatter stomach and a much thinner wallet.

Hotel staff collecting used towels.

“What would you like to drink, sir?” – a courteous Turkish waiter jumped up to my husband as soon as the latter entered the cafeteria. Funny, but no matter how long I sat at the table with my 4-year-old son, nobody asked us what we would like to drink. Call it a coincidence, but during our whole stay I couldn’t help noticing that the hotel staff was reluctant to do anything requested by a woman.

Another example was with the room change. The first room that we got was far from being flawless. A friend of mine (who was this hotel’s returning guest) told me that there were much better rooms of the same type. When I called the reception they agreed to show me one. Upon my arrival the receptionist asked me to wait in the lobby for 5 minutes. 5 minutes grew into half an hour after which I still had to remind the guy of myself twice. Experienced travelers later explained it to me that things like that often happen at Turkish hotels: “If you’re not yelling or stamping your feet, they think that your problem will eventually take care of itself. So, remember that crying helps.” I will definitely remember this advice if I ever come back to Turkey.

To end my list of flaws for this hotel I must say that the place is indecently expensive. The mere accomodation cost us over $ 6000 (14 nights, 2 adults + 1 child). It would have been even more without a 15% discount that they applied to us as to returning guests’ friends. And surprisingly enough, though our board type was called “all inclusive”, some things happened to be less “all inclusive” than others. For instance, you will be asked to pay extra for playing bowling, cue sports and many other things. The hotel’s spa center offers very few free services: you can only use the indoor swimming pool and a few types of saunas for free. And the prices for eveything else are far beyond reasonable. A “relaxing massage” costs 90 euro (about $ 125). Doesn’t sound too relaxing, does it? Overall, there was a strong feeling that Turkish hotels decided to get the most from Egyptian and Tunisian turmoils.

Getting to the sunny side of life, I must admit that the hotel is perfect for a “cabbage-like” vacation. A beautiful green territory, an impeccable sandy beach, luring outdoor pools and water parks leave you with no choice but to enjoy yourself. The beach deserves separate compliments. It’s huge, comfortable, with hundreds of sun loungers under wide beach umbrellas, therefore it’s almost never crowded. At least you can always find a secluded spot. At either snack bar on the beach you can get strawberries and watermelon, not to mention a pina colada which is of course a symbol of a dream holiday.

Kids can have fun at the Gogi Kids Club where there are always special events for children and the “mini-disco” every evening.  The hotel even has a small zoo where kids enjoy feeding rabbits and birds of all types.

Needless to say that Gloria Golf attracts golfers from all over the globe and ranks among the top 5 golf resorts of the world. But if you feel like playing golf for fun or taking a lesson, plan more extra spendings.

When walking along the golf course I saw a luxurious house called President’s Villa. That left me with a feeling that what is good for a president might not be suitable for ordinary people. :) 

 

“Smoke on the water, fire in the sky.”

 There’s a common belief that country livin’ can cure you of all city ills. “A country boy can survive” as declared by Hank Williams, Jr. Well, here’s a picture that I saw from my country house the other morning.

Yikes. Toxic air and smoke produced by hundreds of forest fires around Moscow have hit the big city and all the suburbs. Some Russian officials claim the summer of 2010 turned out to be the hottest for the past 1000 years.  On the one hand, it is big and exciting (wow, we are witnessing something that one doesn’t see every day or even every year) but on the other hand, it’s quite scary. What kind of situation is it when you can’t even escape into the woods?

Why “Sex and the city 2″ is a must-see for the Russian audience

A statistically average Russian girl is raised with a tremendous amount of “you must” over her shoulders. First, she MUST study well at school. As soon as she reaches the age of 20 (in some regions even earlier) she MUST get herself a fiance and she MUST marry him within a year or two. The next thing she must do is have kids, be a good mother and an excellent wife who is pleasing her husband with a delicious dinner every single evening.  Having a career is not forbidden at all but only if it does not conflict with all of the above.

One might think that Russian women are poor miserable slaves who are exploited all their lives. Well, not exactly. The thing is we take it for granted. And very few of us honestly think that it’s OK not to feed their husband when he comes home from work.

And here is what I find deliciously striking in “Sex and the city 2″. The main characters, Carrie and Big, are finally married. No kids. Carrie is around 40 and Big is considerably over 40.  When a friend asks them if they plan to have kids, they reply something like: “No, we don’t. Maybe some day”. Another thing is that Carrie is a freelance writer which means she doesn’t have to work 9 to 5 in a dusty office and is supposed to have enough time to do things around the house. But still, when Big comes home from work, he brings along a take-out bag from a nearby restaurant. Because he’s hungry. And because Carrie doesn’t cook. At all. But they are still in love and they are still together.

I think all Russian guys and gals must see this movie despite the fact that it’s far from being a masterpiece or a future cinematographic legend. It teaches that YOU are the only master of your life and whatever you consider right will be right for you and your family. Delete stereotypes. Stop listening to your mother (at least at some point of your life ). And enjoy the fruits of your new ideology.

Eat America!

Now here’s a question: where is the line between being funny and being offensive? This is a billboard in Moscow advertising a local sushi restaurant. The heading says “Eat America!” and the idea is that Alaska rolls are available for as low as 99 RUR (~$ 3.4) per portion. Maybe I’m overreacting but I probably wouldn’t be happy about some “Eat Russia!” billboard somewhere in NYC. What do you think? Rude or funny?

A new Asian country

I went to my favorite weather site today ( http://weather.yahoo.com/ ) to look up the forecast for Moscow. To my surprise, I couldn’t find Russia in its usual section which was “Europe”. After quite a search I found it here:

Any thoughts on this sudden change of status?

Yahoo! I’ve seen Oahu!

And here’s me again after quite a long break. First off, Happy New Year you guys and gals! Hope 2010 will be happy, fruitful and eventful.

As for myself, 2009 was a lot of fun. Both in terms of traveling and “normal” life as well.

The highlight of 2009 was definitely my trip to Hawaii (the island of Oahu).  The Russian mentality has always pictured Hawaii as something extremely exotic, with tropical plants, waterfalls and palm trees. There’s even a Russian song called “Oh, Hawaii!” that has a line that goes: “Coconuts grow there”. Well, they don’t and now I know it (at least I failed to find any on Oahu). Pineapples do though.

Pineapples at the world famous Dole Plantation.

A quick couple of Hawaiian facts. Of course “Oahu” says nothing to most people, so here’s a list of all 8 Hawaiian islands and the number of reasons why I picked the one that rhymes with “Shmoahu”.

• Kauai
• Niihau
• Oahu
• Molokai
• Maui
• Lanai
• Kahoolawe
• Hawaii (a.k.a. the Big Island)

The capital of Hawaii is Honolulu and it is located on Oahu. So, basically all major U.S. cities have direct flights there. And I didn’t feel like making any more connections after flying from Moscow to New York and then to Minneapolis. Second, Oahu has many other attractions apart from beaches, such as: Pearl Harbor, Polynesian Cultural Center, Waikiki downtown area that includes International Marketplace, bars and restaurants, shopping plazas filled with local stuff and world known brands, etc. But perhaps the key reason why I picked Oahu was the fact that the topline TV show “LOST” is being filmed there.

Right after I found out that Oahu is cooler than Hollywood, I started searching  for ways to get to see all “Lost” film locations. It turned out that the best way to see them is through the “Hummer guys” (as they were called by Jorge Garcia starring as Hugo “Hurley” Reyes in “Lost”). Here’s their website and a free whole-hearted promotion for the Hummer guys :) http://www.hummertourshawaii.com It was a real blast riding in the jungle and seeing all the movie locations in the middle of a beautiful privately owned Kualoa Ranch. Apart from “Lost” spots, you get to see places where many other movies were filmed, such as “Jurassic Park”, “Mighty Joe Young”, “Pearl Harbor”, “50 First Dates”, “You, Me and Dupree”, ”Godzilla”, etc. Well, enough of that, here’s a couple of pics that say more.

The guide shows the place where one of "Lost" episodes was filmed.

Godzilla was here.

"Jurassic Park" movie location.

Time for a couple of complaints about my trip.  As I said before, most Russians (including myself) portray Hawaii as an exotic place with white-sand secluded beaches and tropics. Well, I admit that I have fallen a victim of this stereotype but I found very few places like that there. First, Oahu is the most populated Hawaiian island, so don’t expect to find a quiet cozy spot – there are crowds everywhere. Second, Honolulu is the capital, which means a severe urban touch on the whole island. Moreover, it is the 2nd most expensive city in U.S., next to Anchorage, Alaska. The most famous district on Oahu, Waikiki, is often called “the tourists’ trap” for its numerous expensive stores and restaurants. But you can still catch a cool sunset there though.  Well, I guess these are about all my “complaints and grievances”.

What I liked most about Oahu is the fact that you can find all types of entertainment there. It’s not just a boring resort where you get sick of swimming, snorkeling and sunbathing 3 days after you get there. You can amuse yourself with tons of attractions, from “swim-with-sharks adventure” to exploring history at Pearl Harbor. Oh, and don’t forget that Hawaii is the surfer’s paradise, so, if you’re not a surfer already, make sure you take at least one surfing lesson. They are offered in abundance on Waikiki beach and elsewhere. 

Here’s a cool website that helped me pick most attractions beforehand: http://www.hawaiiactive.com You don’t have to book them from home and don’t buy the usual “Hurry! Limited offer!!!” crap either. Most Oahu hotels have a desk with loads of information and a tour guide who can help you book your adventure as late as 1 day prior to the tour. But it’s still better if you at least make a draft of your program in advance. Here’s another source of info for ya. http://www.gohawaii.com

And I’d like to wind up with a short Hawaiian video of mine. It shows just a few things that I did on Oahu but I’m sure you can do much better and much more than that!  Happy traveling and ALOHA! 

Motley Crue in Moscow

I went to see Motley Crue in concert last night. Never been their fan but they were one of my childhood bands, so I thought I should pay tribute to the old farts. They were truly electric and Tommy Lee, despite his heart broken by Pamela Anderson, was definitely the highlight of the show. He stagedived, drank alcohol and passed the bottle on to the audience. During his stagediving he had his earplugs lost or stolen by some fans, so he asked to return them in trade for his underwear. Nobody agreed though.

The only bad thing was that it was absolutely no fun to stand in the middle of a drunk sweaty smoking roaring pushing crowd. I guess I’m too old to enjoy that. And even though one from the Crew swore “to the fucking god” that they were coming back next year, I don’t think I was lured.

Turkey: the dead will lead you to the beach.

Just a small piece of advice: never ever feed Gizmo after midnight. And never ever book a 3-star hotel in Turkey, let alone in Egypt. I made a huge mistake thinking that a 3*** hotel is good enough for Europe and it should be good enough for any other country. A broken air conditioner in the room and a leaking toilet in the bathroom were not that bad, but the road to the beach that lay through a cemetery was not exactly my idea of a health resort. So if you ever go to Turkey (or Egypt), please book a 5 star hotel or at least 4+. Though it’s still not a guarantee that your vacation will be fabulous, at least you will avoid running into a sunbathing zombie.

The sign on the cemetery fence says "Golden Sun Beach".

Home Swede home. The sea, the music and more.

Take a closer look at the building. Anything familiar? No, not Dubai. Believe it or not, it’s Malmo, Sweden. I deliberately didn’t put “just Malmo” or “only Malmo” since it’s actually the 3rd largest city in Sweden. And though the building does seem to be inspired by Burj Al Arab hotel n Dubai, it was fulfilled with Scandinavian moderation, simplicity and taste. The “simple” and tasteful 623-foot twisted skyscraper, called Turning Torso, consists of nine cubes stacked vertically, with each rotating from the one below. It’s definitely a sight to see.

However, the major Malmo attraction is by all means the Baltic Sea. It’s not very often that you get the beach weather there but the presence of the Sea gives the city a certain charm and exquisiteness. But once the heat is on, everybody is headed to the Western Harbor, perhaps the most popular beach zone in Malmo. “The beach” itself is made out of wood. Sweden is all about wood, stones and other natural stuff (IKEA fans will definitely agree). Sometimes you can get lucky and see beautiful swans hanging out on the water at a respectful distance from the swimmers. 

Swans

After an invigorating swim in the far from relaxing water you can truly loosen up in the sauna at the Ribersborgs Kallbadhus. ”For more than a century, locals have been visiting the Ribersborgs Kallbadhus for a steam in the sauna followed by a dip in the Baltic. The swimming baths are open year-round. If you want to blend in with the locals, brave the elements and hit the baths in the winter for an icy plunge. A better time to visit for the less adventurous is in the summer, when the baths are open for sunbathing.”   (Source:  http://edition.cnn.com/2009/TRAVEL/01/07/malmo.tips/index.html )

 

The 4 Ribersborgs Kallbadhus photos: http://www.ribban.com

 

Hunger satisfaction is possible in any of the cozy restaurants on the wharf or downtown. If you’re eating outside on a chilly evening the waiter will turn on one of their “lamp-post-like” heaters or offer you a blanket. For all-you-can-eat-buffet fans the best spot would definitely be Sankt Markus Wine Cellar. Styled as a medieval castle, the restaurant will offer you the best wines and the best food, including  Swedish traditional stuff, such as elk or deer. Eat until you explode. Seafood lovers, don’t miss “Johan P. Saluhallen located on a small street off Lilla Torg. Fish and shellfish caught fresh from the waters of the Baltic and North Atlantic are served up daily at this fine restaurant, which also has an impressive wine list.” (  http://edition.cnn.com/2009/TRAVEL/01/07/malmo.eat/index.html ) On the same street in the downtown area there is a nice place for pizza/pasta freaks, called Restaurante bar & grappa. Despite a rather slow service, the food (Italian and other) is good. And don’t forget to order cider, the glamorous outstanding cider that can give you a tiny buzz just like the beer but which is by far more delicious. Pear cider is the most popular cider type in Sweden but it comes in all possible flavors, including strawberry. 

To the regret of bigtime party animals, Malmo cannot brag a worthy nightlife. A few night clubs downtown can’t be enough, so many folks choose to take a train to Copenhagen which is only 15 minutes away. But there is one event that brings people together from all over Scandinavia and the rest of the world. It’s Malmo Music Festival that is held annually in August. “The city  pulsates with life during this eight-day outdoor culture extravaganza that’s been going strong for nearly a quarter of a century. Music is the big draw, attracting some 1.5 million to Malmo every August. Hundreds of live acts fill the city with sounds of classical music, heavy metal and everything in between. If you aren’t busy dancing the night away, you’ll want to take in the film screenings, comedy shows and theater performances staged during the festival. The best part about the festival? It’s absolutely free. The revelry kicks off with a massive crayfish party in the city’s main square. Bring your own crayfish and a mood to party.” ( http://edition.cnn.com/2009/TRAVEL/01/07/malmo.seasonal/index.html )

There are many things in Malmo that will pleasantly surprise you. Like, for instance, I was amazed to find out that the pure drinking water there is available right from the faucet. I asked the girl at the hotel reception: “Is it true that you can drink water right out of the faucet?” “Yes you can”, she answered proudly. “You’re in Sweden now”.

 

Down and out in Santa Barbara.

Back in the early 90s Russia got smashed by the wave of imported soap operas. Most of them came from Brazil and Mexico and were exceptionally dumb and similar to each other. However, the then Russians (still Soviets in their souls and backgrounds) had never seen anything like that and were deeply touched by the fate of every Juan Carlos and Jose Ignasio. But there was one soap opera that was definitely standing out. It was American. It was “Santa Barbara”.

I remember when in my highschool days every kid in the class had a second “Santa Barbara” name. Every other cat in Russia was called Mason after one of the sexiest and “catlike” SB characters (first from the right on the upper picture). There was even a popular joke:

A Russian woman is emigrating to the U.S. – Where in the U.S.?, her friend asks. – Santa Barbara of course. – Why Santa Barbara? – Because I know everybody there.

Many years after the mass craze I had a chance to visit Santa Barbara. The first surprise was the pouring rain. Running away from it, I jumped into a tour bus. “You’re the luckiest tourists here”, the guide said. “You managed to catch one of those few rainy days of the year”. I didn’t feel that lucky however, since I was looking forward to some foot walking. So, we drove about the city, listened to the guide’s stories and admired the beautiful European architecture (Santa Barbara was founded by Spanish missionaries). “So where was the Soap Opera filmed?”, I finally asked. “I get that question all the time. But I hate to tell you that not a single episode of “Santa Barbara” was filmed in Santa Barbara”, the guide said. It was like telling me that my mom and dad were not actually my biological parents. I was knocked down. The city where I knew everyone suddenly became just a wet unfriendly spot with the average realty price of $ 1 mln. The fairy tale was over. One poor consolation was  the road sign that said “Castillo Street” (one of the main characters was Cruz Castillo).

Of course I’m proud to be one of those rare Russian “SB” fans who has visited the city of their dreams. But here’s my advice to all of you “Mission to Mars” fans out there: don’t be in a hurry to visit Mars. Sometimes it’s better not to fulfill your childhood fantasies unless you are ready to face the adult reality.